So. It's Halloween, my favorite holiday. I don't have much to say about it, except that I'm planning on doing skeleton face with paint and maybe makeup for the first time ever! So that's Halloween-y. I don't even make journal entries often, though, but for all, if any, people reading this, thank you so much for actually taking time out of your day to actually listen to something I'm saying.
Today, we had to group up in groups of five for a presentation in school. As usual, I sigh, hating group projects because it's just a way to remind me that I have 0 friends and nobody even likes me. But I brighten up when I realize B, the new girl who I've been talking to, immediately groups up with the new guy, C, her friend, and then - what do you know - me! Now we have to choose two others, since it's an obligatory number of five people in the group. Buuuut, at the end, they found a three person group and said, yeah, nevermind, Alie, we're just gonna go join theirs and you can just do whatever the fuck you usually do.
And what is it that I usually do? I desperately look around to catch one of those rare chances where someone needs an extra member and unsatisfiedly settle on me, but it, like usual, doesn't happen and I have to group up with people of my own kind - the loser group.
I know it's cliché to think of groups like that in a class. But it's just fact. And it's not like there's the jocks and the preps and the emos, nah, it's just certain people hang out with certain people. Sometimes exclusively, sometimes there's the person who's not in an exact group, but mostly goes between two of them. B and C are new, and each other's friends, and likeable and outgoing, so they're currently trying to see what group they fit into.
And then there's the loser group. Which currently consists of me, A, W and E, the new kid who already got sorted into the loser group. And I know some of you might be thinking either, "Aw, you shouldn't think that about yourself, you're not a loser!" or "Wow way to insult three other people you barely know." or a combination of both, but the truth is - dude, I'm sorry, but we are fuckin' losers. We are awkward as fuck, we have no idea how to properly talk to people without annoying them, which makes us basically the only group that isn't friends with one another, or with anyone at all, because we have none, because everybody thinks we're freaks, and - wait for it - losers.
I'm not saying they are, I guess technically I don't know them, but I know that's what we're percieved as. But what I realized today is, I'm not even just part of the loser group. I STARTED the loser group. I was the origin of the loser group. If there was a wikipedia entry for the groups of my class, under loser group -> history, would be "Began in 2010, 6th grade, when Alie Angeles joined the class as the foreign chick."
Because when I went into this school in 6th grade, everyone had their group of friends already but there WAS no loser group, no loners that nobody likes or talks to, until I came in. And then more new kids came and some of them ended up in the loser group with me. I do have the privilege of being the most popular loser, though, since I am able to sometimes have nice conversations or a witty thing to say in class, but, alas, it's been 4 years and I'm stuck in my place.
I'M THE FUCKING QUEEN OF LOSERS.